Concerning: Chainsaws

Chainsaw = A mechanical device that vibrates a lot, sprays oil in all directions, makes a sharp whirring sound, and cuts things with a rapidly spinning blade. Furthermore, if the rapidly spinning blade connects with either a tree limb or a human limb, saw dust or blood respectively will spray in all directions in conjunction with the oil. If both blood and sawdust sprays from the blade contact point than it is likely that you are cutting into the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz. If you are indeed cutting into the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz cease all work and seek the yellow brick road immediately.

Concerning: Meteorites

Meteorite = a piece of rock that plummeted to earth from space without burning up entirely upon entry in our atmosphere. Though most meteorites are often the approximate size of a ping pong ball or an egg, some meteorites can be greater than the size of a Mexican Chihuahua's head. Meteorites can descend from the sky pretty much anywhere on earth although it is unlikely that one will collide with a jalapeno plant in Chihuahua, Mexico or that one caused one of the explosions during the Battle of Cherbourg in World War II. As a child, Enrique Esteban Valendez saw a meteroite crash into a lake, resulting in a large splash. He made numerous attempts to retrieve the meteorite by diving into the lake, but even if it survived the impact, he was unable to identify any suspected meteorites among the stones at the bottom of the water. Successfully retrieved and collected meteorites can be stored and catalogued in file cabinets, but for purposes of scientific study a more controlled environment would be recommended.

Concerning: The Battle of Cherbourg

The Battle of Cherbourg = One of the important battles during the Allied invasion of Europe and the first stage in a helicopter-focused computer game named Rescue Raiders for the apple IIe. It is important to note immediately that though Pong can indeed be claimed to quintessentially represent the game of ping pong by containing no elements outside the actual game, helicopters did not exist during World War II. Therefore the first stage of Rescue Raiders cannot be said to be a reproduction, representation, or simulation of said important Battle. Although ancestors of Lau in Siam fought for the Axis in World War II, they were in no way involved with the fighting of the Battle of Cherbourg although Lau himself said that the battle was a shame because of the destructive nature of war. Enrique Esteban Valendez claimed insufficient knowledge of World War II to be able to provide comment due to the limited participation of Chihuahua, Mexico in the fighting, but he did suggest that even if it was unlikely that Mexican Chuhuahuas were present at the battle, their participation would have been limited to yipping and nipping and soldiers' ankles. No eggs were used in the combat.

Concerning: File Cabinets

File Cabinet = a piece of office furniture whose uses include but are not limited to the storage files, file folders. Sometimes used to store memorandum, though it is not recommended. Other uses include the storage and organization of dry goods, pet beds (particularly well suited to the beds of Mexican Chihuahuas due to the appropriateness of their size), and the housing of ping pong balls or video game systems that can compile and run electronic simulations of ping pong. Though infrequent, File cabinets are also occasionally used as tables, chairs, and plant racks when turned on their sides or used by exceptionally tall people. The typical file cabinet generally consists of a metal or wooden outer frame that houses one to four metal or wooden drawers that slide out of said frame in order for the files contained therein to be inserted, sorted, referenced, or removed. Much to his sadness, Enrique Esteban Valendez does not own a file cabinet despite the fact that he saw one on a trip through Chihuahua, Mexico and the use of file cabinets in hospitals to store the printed results and records of EEG's, EKG's, and CAT scans. A man name Lau in Siam once reported to have witnessed a file cabinet lay an egg in a nest made of shredded documents, but the report ultimately proved false.

Concerning: CAT Scans

CAT Scan = Computed Axial Tomography. A medical procedure used to hunt for tumors, brain damage, etc. by mapping out brain activity. Produces a colorful image employing the colors yellow, red, blue, green, and purple. Though C-A-T is an abbreviation, CAT scans are not to be confused with EEG's, EKG's, or EEV even though EEG's and EKG's are both found in hospitals as well and EEV, Enrique Esteban Valendez, is a man who uses his brain quite a bit. Also not to be confused with a cat, any of the family of quadrapedal mammals with whiskers, nocturnal and territorial prowling happens, a tendency to hunt and consume vermin, and which make a characteristic 'meowing' sound. Confusing CAT scans with cats can lead to mistaken assumptions that CAT scans measure, record, or devoir vermin, when it is unlikely that one would find vermin within a hospital environment. Though one might suggest that the low vermin population in hospitals might be due to the consumption of vermin by CAT scans, the high cleanliness standards of most hospitals suggests that sufficient quantities vermin to sustain something as large of a CAT scan would not be present. While dogs often consume cats, dogs do not consume CAT scans, and therefore Mexican Chihuahuas do not consume cats or CAT scans. It does need to be noted that a CAT scan could measure the brain activity of a Mexican Chihuahua and that it is possible for CAT scan machines to be present in Chihuahua, Mexico. Although no serious attempts have been made to do so, CAT scans may be able to measure the brain activity of the embryo within a fertilized egg if proper procedures were followed. However, Jalapenos cannot be measured within by a CAT scan because Jalapenos do not have brains although cats may or may not eat the occasional jalapeno.

Concering: Jalapeno Peppers

Jalapeno Peppers: Red or green elongated peppers with a waxy outer coat and spicy innards. A common ingredient in foods made in Chihuahua, Mexico, but rarely eaten by Mexican Chihuahuas or Enrique Esteban Valendez because their digestive systems are very sensitive to hot foods and jalapeno consumption can lead to messy and odiferous results. Though it is related to Ping pong in that both ping pong and jalapenos can make one sweat given sufficient properties, jalapenos are in no way incorporated into computer simulations of ping pong (unless of course the code of the computer simulation of ping pong has been specifically written to incorporate jalapenos, perhaps as part of some sort of theme).

Concerning: Vermin

Vermin = any of a number of small quadropedal mammals with elongated snouts, whiskers, and who often dwell in sewers, trash cans, basements, cargo ships, and other cool dry places with a high likelyhood of food being left unattended. Generally considered to spread filth and disease. Not to be confused with a mouse or mice. A mouse is a thing that controls the pointer on a computer screen, and mice are the most intelligent creatures on the planet (according to Douglas Adams). Also not to be confused with a chihuahua. Identifying the chihuahua with a rat is a common misconsception. Though no known association between vermin and the game of ping pong or its computer simulation exists, vermin are have in the past displayed a significant likeing for eggs, stealing eggs from other animals while living in the wild. Please note again, that though the computer simulation of ping pong may employ a mouse in its execution, a mouse is not the same thing as vermin. Enrique Esteban Valendez remembers seeing vermin in the streets in Chihuahua, Mexico as a child, occasionally in his house, and used to have nightmares about waking up with a big verminous rat on his chest staring in his face with breath like cheese. A man named Gus in Houston exterminates vermin for a living. He is good at his job and quite happy despite the fact that he is divorced.

Concerning: Enrique Esteban Valendez

Enrique Esteban Valendez = EEV. Not to be confused with EEG. An EEG is a thing that measures heart beats or brain waves or something. Though Enrique Esteban Valendez possesses both a heart and a brain, he does not measure them all though his vitals can be measured by an EEG. What an EEV or Enrique Esteban Valendez is is a lounge singer who lives in El Paso but was born on the streets of a desert village within the Chihuahua region of Mexico. Known for his low voice, his greasy moustache, and a tendency to eat eggs on stage after juggling them, throwing them, or spinning them on the ends of oblong objects, EEV sings in a club called El Corazon Del Diablo and has written three songs about cactuses and their families though he himself is as little like a cactus as an EEG or an EKG.

Concerning: Eggs

Eggs = a white, ovoid object that in many ways resembles "the ball" used in the game of ping pong, although were an egg to be used to play the game ping-pong, the results would be messy and colorful. Furthermore, since the computer simulation of ping pong rarely if ever represented "the ball" in the shape of an egg, it is unlikely that there is more than a coincidental connection between an egg and the game of ping-pong. Beyond the realm of ping-pong, eggs have many uses ranging from throwing, to juggling, to balancing on the tip of long, narrow objects while spinning them, all of which leads to the act of subjecting the egg to high temperatures until its molecular consistancy achieves a state called "cooked," and a cooked egg is then ultimately subjected to the acts of consumption, digestion, and excretion. Most importantly, although Mexican chihuahuas do not lay eggs, eggs have been laid in Chihuahua, Mexico, suggesting that chihuahuas can be thrown, juggled, spun on the end of oblong objects, to be ultimately "cooked" and consumed.

Concerning: Ping Pong

Ping Pong = a game played on a green table with "a net" across the center using a small white projectile often called "a ball." Play consists of hitting "the ball" back and forth across the green table over "the net" with hand-held wooden devices called "paddles." In a computerized simulation of the game ping pong, the "paddles" are represented by moving lines on opposing ends of the screen, while "the ball" is represented by a little green dot, often times in the shape of a square. Curiously, "the net" is not represented in the computerized rendition of "ping pong," and a square ball would not serve the proper function of game play in reality, making the simulation a poor and hollow mockery of the game ping pong although it sparked the creation of an enormous genre of entertainment called "video games."

Concerning: Chihuahua

Chihuahua = a small region in Mexico and a small species of dog. Both Chihuahua, Mexico and the Mexican Chihuahua are generally dry to the touch unless they have been recently splashed with water although it must be noted that both tend to have wet noses.